Hello There,
If you are reading this, then before we go any further, I would like to say thank you for taking the time out of your day to read about my self-discovery and personal identity journey so far. I hope it brings you some value in your own endeavours.
As a person, I have infinite curiosity, with a passion for learning and self-improvement. We only get one life, and I would like to try and maximise exposure to all the experience and opportunities available.
Consequently, I am an avid reader and always interested in trying a new experience or learning something new. This naturally led me to look inward at myself, to understand more of who I am, how I can get better and how I can enrich the lives of others.
My ‘Why’ is to continuously grow my knowledge and experience, to positively impact the lives of others.
Which is what led me to start the Teach Lead Transform blog. As a qualified coach, I wanted to be able to positively benefit others by giving back my time and some of that knowledge via resources that have given me value.
Also, as someone attempting to learn Portuguese from scratch, the language section came about by wanting to publicise and offer resources for people looking to learn Portuguese, but also English at a basic or advanced level.
I hope the next few sections will give you something to relate to from my own personal journey and serve as inspiration on yours.
Personal Experiences
All through life I often felt that I didn’t fit, a square peg forced into fit a round hole. I wasn’t interested in what most people liked and often thought in ways that were different to others.
This manifested itself in my interests and my ‘tribe’ being very niche and often in a feeling of just not truly ‘fitting in’ wherever I was. With time, as I matured, I was able to adapt and fit in socially in my own introverted way.
It wasn’t necessarily an easy status quo, particularly from an emotional perspective, including my feelings and how I often struggled to relate to others. I knew that I was different but could never fully articulate exactly why.
A Eureka Moment
One day, when browsing in one of my favourite bookshops I came across a book called Quiet – The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain, which genuinely changed my life.
Reading about the personality traits of introverts, the feelings and behavioural desires often associated with introverted people, caused me to exclaim more than once “That’s me!”
One example was how sometimes talking to so many people or for long periods is EXHAUSTING! Suddenly, I had something to relate to, to explain why I felt the way I did and most importantly, that it was perfectly normal.
It was then I realised there was a whole host of resources, books, courses and literature that offered ways to learn more about who I was and who I wasn’t, how I could improve who I was and therefore the quality of my life, relationships and professional development in so many ways.
Overcoming Challenges
Recognising and being able to label who I was in terms of my personality and default behaviours was one thing, being able to work with them to be a better person was a whole different challenge altogether.
As an analytical person, structure, planning and analysis come easily, interacting with people and all their unpredictable actions, not so much! Using the
360-feedback model and first completing the Insights Personality Questionnaire was pivotal in terms of understanding why personality types made me feel a certain way, positively or negatively and how sometimes interactions were a struggle.
Between discovering Stoicism and the concept of Emotional Intelligence, these were absolutely the 2 biggest sources of developing strategies and goals to work on both my behaviour and attitude, but especially to understand and interact with people in a more positive way.
Key to all this has been to able to understand what drives my emotions and judgements and what triggers me to react in certain ways. Being able to recognise and name emotions in myself, but especially others has transformed my attitude and relationships both personally and professionally.
Some simple breathing exercises, such as the 4, 7, 8 method, mindfulness practices, a consistent sleep routine, physical activity, working with and not against my circadian rhythm along with increased self-awareness have all been simple changes to build better habits and neural pathways of behaviour in my brain.
The simplest improvements have been to apply 2 questions to my life that so far, I haven’t found a situation that they can’t be applied to:
For negative feelings:
“Will this matter in 1 week, 1 month, or 1 year?” If the answer is no, then just try to let it go.
“If I keep doing what I am doing right now, will be life be better or worse in 1 month, 6 months or 1 years’ time?” If it’s better, keep doing it! If it’s worse, stop doing it!
Psychological Evolution
I credit my mother with imparting more wisdom to me than I can ever use in a lifetime and one of her sayings that stuck was “You catch more flies with honey than vinegar”
Put simply, people want to help and be around people who are nice and pleasant. Send out into the world, that which you want to receive back. However, it is easier to do this when you have an existing positive relationship with yourself as a foundation.
Changing that perfectionist voice and addressing imposter syndrome has been a huge change in terms of my own inner dialogue but is still a work in progress.
Recognising my own values, what’s important to me and having the confidence to show that has reduced, if not completely alleviated feelings of cognitive dissonance, and improved my relationship with myself.
Smile and the world really does smile with you!
Beneficial Books
Here are some of the many books that I have read that have proved transformative in my own journey of towards living my ‘Authentic Life’
Start With WHY – Simon Sinek
Primarily directed at leaders within a business setting, the concepts easily transfer to self-discovery and personal identity. At it’s core, understanding your ‘Why’ is about clarity on your beliefs and values. The most common quote from the book is to start with ‘Why’, not ‘What’ or ‘How’.
Effective leadership and by extension personal performance is about having a clarity of purpose – Why are you doing what you do every day? Apply the concepts to your personal or professional life to gain clarity about yourself, who you are and why you do what you do.
Quiet – The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking – Susan Cain
As detailed above, a deep dive into all aspects of the behaviours, attitudes and feelings of all things related to introversion. An argument for embracing who you are and that introverts can contribute as much, if not more to all aspects of life when given the right environment to thrive in.
Essential reading if you identify as an introvert to aid self-discovery, or if you are extroverted to increase empathy.
The Captain Class – The Hidden Force Behind the World’s Greatest Teams – Sam Walker
Continuing the off-beat theme of inspiring reads, The Captain Class details the seven traits of leadership of captains in successful teams, and not always the teams that would come to mind if you were to compile a list.
The traits of doggedness, rule-bending, servant leadership, communication, moral courage and emotional control are covered in detail with examples of how successful captains have applied these in their respective disciplines.
Of course, these traits are not just applicable to sport or leadership but for the sports fanatic, the book demonstrates relatable positive personality traits for success, using a different context to the norm in how to apply these concepts.
Emotional Intelligence – Daniel Goleman
Credited with popularising the concept of EQ instead of IQ it utilises five pillars of self-awareness, self-management, empathy, relationship management and motivation to argue mastery of these pillars is essential to success in life or business.
Without doubt, a strong grasp of the softer skills of communication and relationship management in this online world of communication are even more fundamental to success than ever before due to the limited opportunities to practice these skills.
Essential reading for anyone interested in self-discovery and personal identity.
The 5am Club – Own Your Morning, Elevate Your Life – Robin Sharma
Whilst the concept of early rising has been somewhat highjacked by macho culture, as someone who embraces my circadian rhythm and chooses to get up at 4.30am the concepts of the book really resonated with me.
However, the core concepts of wake up early enough to optimise your day and not start it harassed, have a good and sufficient sleep routine, exercise frequently and reduce phone usage can be applied to your life, regardless of when your day and routine starts.
Lasting change is about applying simple habits consistently and this book has some good suggestions to get you started.
Total Recall – Arnold Schwarzenegger
Chronicling the life story and extraordinary journey of Arnold Schwarzenegger, it is both astounding and inspiring what he was able to achieve, namely three completely different careers in body building, acting and politics, through a can-do attitude and consistent hard work.
Regardless of your opinion of the man (and he doesn’t shy away from his own flaws and mistakes), his attitude and positive traits should serve to inspire in whatever goals or outcomes you seek in life.
Favourite quote: “Reps, Reps, Reps!”.
Journaling
The power of journaling deserves its own section. Between births, bereavements, breakups, redundancies and everything else in between the power of simply writing words on a page in a structured way cannot be overstated.
Where to start in such a simple concept can be overwhelming. As with any aspect of habit building and change, the simplest way is just to start! Grab a piece of paper and write down whatever you feel like, for as long or as short a time as you want.
If you are looking for something structured to get started, at a particularly difficult period in my life, I got great value from The Daily Stoic Journal by Ryan Holiday. Using the principles of Stoicism, there are weekly themes and daily prompts to stimulate thinking and thoughts to get you started.
However, a simple notebook and pen and 5 minutes a day to write about what happened, what you learnt and what you are grateful for (tip – you learn more from negative experiences than toxic positivity) can be just as effective. Try here to get you started.
I prefer the Leuchtturm1917 notebooks (For no other reason than they have a dazzling array of colours to choose from!) and invested in one of the amazing pens from the niche pen maker Tactile Turn and a leather folder by Bellroy to hold it all in, but doing is better than overthinking the how.
The benefits journaling can bring are numerous, including managing stress, improving mood and memory, deepen self-awareness, mindfulness, resetting perspectives and gratitude.
My experience has been twofold: Firstly, being able to process my thoughts out of my head and break negative loops that repeat, but also to give clarity and order on those thoughts.
Secondly, to absolutely promote mindfulness and reset what is truly important by processing and naming the feelings and thoughts I was having at the time of writing.
Conclusions and Future Vision
Self-awareness and personal identity are key pillars to conceiving, creating and being “Your Authentic Self”. Starting the process in any aspect is the most important step. It is easy to get focused on where we always want to get to in life, but how we got where we are now is arguably more important. Recognising and reflecting where we have come from is key in that journey.
Teach Lead Transform is founded on providing articles, ideas and prompts to start that journey, with deep dives on specific topics, a weekly newsletter and themed social media posts each week. All with the aim of stimulating thinking and awareness to empower self-directed personal growth.
More in depth courses and worksheets will be available within the courses section for those who are inspired to go even deeper.
And finally, one on one coaching and language lessons are also available for those who are interested in a more tailored and supportive approach.
Get in touch by emailing hello@teachleadtransform.com I’d love to hear from you.
It’s time to transform your world!
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