Transform from Within: The Identity-First Approach to Personal Growth
Your approach centres on identity-focused change rather than behaviour modification. What experiences in your own 20-year journey led you to recognize this fundamental difference?
The key fundamental difference is that behaviours are temporary actions in a given set of circumstances, but identity is who we are, regardless of the situation.
Key to long lasting change isn’t just about building the right habits and behaviours but how those behaviours align with how we see ourselves.
Traditional habit formation and lifestyle change focuses on outcomes:
“I want to quit smoking”, “I want to exercise more”, “I want to get more sleep”. What is more effective is instead to focus on who we want to BE instead of what we want to DO.
So, identity-based habits tie the outcome to how you view yourself, for the previous examples: “I am a non-smoker”, “I am a fitness enthusiast”, “I am someone who prioritizes my sleep”.
These are much more powerful statements, connected to who we are. Aligning habits with identity brings lasting change.
You’re transparent about using methods from your personal growth journey. Can you share a pivotal moment from your own experience of self-discovery?
All through life I often felt that I didn’t fit, a square peg forced into fit a round hole. I wasn’t interested in what most people liked and often thought in ways that were different to others.
One day, when browsing in one of my favourite bookshops I came across a book called Quiet – The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain, which genuinely changed my life.
Reading about the personality traits of introverts, the feelings and behavioural desires often associated with introverted people, caused me to exclaim more than once “That’s me!”
One example was how sometimes talking to so many people or for long periods is EXHAUSTING! Suddenly, I had something to relate to, to explain why I felt the way I did and most importantly, that it was perfectly normal.
It was then I realised there was a whole host of resources, books, courses and literature that offered ways to learn more about who I was and who I wasn’t, how I could improve who I was and therefore the quality of my life, relationships and professional development in so many ways.
The question ‘Who am I?’ seems deceptively simple yet profound. How do you guide clients through this exploration in ways that other approaches miss?
Most self-improvement literature lists ‘what you should do’ or relies on lists of one size fits all behaviours, ignoring the ‘who you are’ angle, leading to transformation efforts failing.
At Teach Lead Transform we start by helping clients distinguish between their authentic self and their adapted self – How their behaviour has adapted to meet external expectations. This is done by asking them to keep a diary of what they do each day, categorized into different activities with approximate times for each.
Unlike traditional coaching that might ask “how do these activities help with your goals?”, instead we help clients identify what made them feel alive, enthused, or conversely, what made them feel inauthentic. Understanding these differences helps get to the core of who someone is and truly wants to be, versus who they currently are.
The next step is to work with the client to bridge the gap between these two states.
How does the Empower Learn Method create psychological safety, and why is that crucial for identity transformation?
The Empower Learn Method creates psychological safety through three intentional practices: positive, supportive learning environments; open sharing of our personal experiences including self-doubts; and pre-session positive self-reflection exercises to mentally ‘set’ a confident and open mindset for the upcoming session.
This safety is neurologically crucial for transformation—when people feel threatened, cortisol rises and blocks learning. Focusing on strengths rather than weaknesses, boosts dopamine production enhancing focus, motivation, and memory retention.
The growth mindset we foster replaces limiting self-beliefs with the ‘power of yet’—transforming ‘I can’t’ into ‘I can’t yet.’ Using the word ‘yet’ allows clients to recognise their knowledge or experience gaps, but frame it in a positive, non-judgmental way.
Identity transformation requires vulnerability, but vulnerability without safety simply reinforces protective behaviours. When learners experience acceptance during moments of uncertainty, they develop both the courage and capacity to integrate new aspects of themselves.
You and your partner Estela uniquely connect language learning with personal development. How does learning a new language specifically facilitate identity shifts that might not happen otherwise?
Whilst an oversimplification, learning a new language is more experiential than traditional schooling in facts and figures. Languages are often closely linked to the cultures they have come from and require an understanding of that culture to truly experience the richness of speaking in that tongue.
From my own experience of trying to learn Portuguese from scratch, some words are easily remembered if they are like English words. However, the words and phrases that ‘stick’ are always underpinned by experiences, such as eating, or an immersive activity.
To truly identify with that language, cultural immersion (and potentially being pushed out of your comfort zone) is key to full learning. Anyone who knows me well will say that I am a different person when speaking Portuguese, taking on more of the expressive tones and flamboyance of the language when compared to my more introverted style speaking in English.
Many people feel vulnerable when learning a new language. How does your approach transform this vulnerability into a strength for overall confidence building?
In any new endeavour, key to maintaining consistency and motivation is to see some progress because of commitment and hard work, especially with languages as the learning process is not the same as traditional knowledge assimilation. The psychological safety generated by the Empower Learn Method creates a safe space for clients to try and of course make mistakes with new words and sentence structures.
With the client’s permission, all classes are recorded and transcribed and are used as a review process as part of lesson recaps. A key indicator of progress is to count the number of words a client can speak in their initial lessons, often short sentences of a few words. Subsequent lessons review what they are then able to say, with progress usually to longer or multiple sentences, often without full realisation by the client.
This helps them identify where they have come from and how they have progressed. This reverse focus reinforces learning and maintains motivation, reframing the traditional outcome-based approach.
How does your approach differ from traditional language teaching when it comes to building not just linguistic competence but also authentic confidence?
Traditional language teaching often separates linguistic skills from identity exploration, while our approach intentionally integrates them. We recognize that many learners create a “language persona” when speaking a new language— often different to how they are in their native language. Rather than seeing this as a limitation, we leverage it as a powerful tool for self-discovery.
We guide students to consciously explore: “Who am I when speaking Portuguese/English? What parts of myself emerge or retreat?” This reflection creates awareness of how language shapes identity expression. As an Englishman speaking Brazilian Portuguese, like the people of Brazil, I have a far more expressive persona, both in tone and actions when speaking. This helped me recognize and integrate this expressiveness into all my daily communications, whatever the language!
By treating language learning as identity exploration rather than just skill acquisition, students develop fluency that feels authentic rather than performative, allowing them to express their true selves across language boundaries.
Self-discovery rather than prescription is central to your work. What tools or questions have proven most effective in helping people discover their own answers?
In our approach, targeted “what” questions create the strongest pathways to self-discovery. Questions like “What energizes you even when you’re tired?” or “What activities make time disappear?” help people recognize patterns they typically overlook. “What would you do if failure wasn’t possible?” and “What did you love when you were younger?” bypass the analytical mind and tap into deeper identity markers.
We pair these with “identity mapping” – a process where clients document situations where they feel most and least authentic, revealing patterns they couldn’t articulate otherwise.
Comparing what activities or situations do and don’t resonate with these identity maps helps clients establish their fundamental core identity traits. Once a client achieves this clarity, it creates a framework to experiment using small micro changes in daily actions. Transformation emerges via these personally validated experiences against the authentic identity a client wants to create.
What measurable differences do clients report when transformation is rooted in identity rather than behaviour?
Clients report three significant measurable differences with identity-based transformation. First, sustainability—behaviour-focused changes require a habit to ingrained in a routine over 3-4 weeks and typically show high regression rates, while our identity-aligned changes increase long-term adherence as they often become permanent parts of clients’ lives.
Second, decision efficiency—clients describe experiencing less mental fatigue when making choices. When someone embodies “I am a person who prioritizes wellbeing” rather than “I should avoid junk food,” decisions become filtering mechanisms rather than willpower battles.
Third, we see cascading positive changes in unexpected areas. When someone’s identity shifts from “I’m trying to be healthy” to “I am healthy,” they naturally align other behaviours—sleep patterns improve, movement increases, and stress management strengthens—without requiring separate behaviour modification programs for each area.
How do you envision Teach Lead Transform evolving as more people recognize the limitations of surface-level personal development approaches?
Many traditional approaches to personal development are prescriptive, one size fits all, list-based responses, with the emphasis on the participant to identify which method or practice is relevant for them.
We are currently focusing on language-based learning and personal development opportunities, but the long-term goal through the website and social media channels is to offer courses, workshops and material to allow clients to continue their personal development from a library of tools and resources after initial sessions.
There is no reason why the platform cannot grow into a community of like-minded individuals who can share their own learning experiences. The primary aim of Teach Lead Transform is to act as an enabler for people to have the confidence to live as their authentic selves. If our work can help one person or be the conduit for many people to start their journey, then we will be succeeding.
For Brainz readers just beginning to question their own identity alignment, what single practice would you recommend as a starting point?
We would suggest starting by answering two simple questions:
If you had the chance to re-live one day of your life again, what would that day be? What was so special about it for you?
By deep diving into what makes this day stand out for you, it will start to demonstrate what positive feelings and experiences energise you, versus those that drain you.
If this is enough to whet the appetite, there is a more detailed 7 day Identity Discovery Worksheet we give to clients, with a single 10-15 minute reflection exercise to complete each day that then can form the basis for initial exploration sessions when coaching begins, it is available via our website, teachleadtransform.com
